The Impact of Situationships: Can a Situationship Harm Your Mental Health and Well-Being?
Written by Cayla Gensler, LPC
Cayla is a licensed couples’ therapist who specializes in helping individuals and couples with issues like codependency, communication issues, and loss and grief. She is highly trained in emotion-focused therapy (EFT), an evidence-based method for couples. You can work with Cayla through couples intensives, monthly workshops, or Relationships 101 groups.
There’s no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to what you want from your dating life. Some people feel comfortable keeping things casual and undefined, and other people want the clarity of a committed relationship. Both can be healthy.
At Thrive Therapy Phoenix, we see a lot of people who come in feeling stressed about situationships, and it makes sense. A situationship doesn’t cause a mental health condition on its own, but the uncertainty can definitely increase stress for many people. Situationships aren’t inherently “bad,” but it’s important to think about what works for you (and what doesn’t).
In this article, I’m diving into what a situationship actually is, how it might affect your mental health, and what you can do to take care of yourself while you’re in one.
What is a situationship?
A situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship that doesn’t have a “label” on it — and often, doesn’t come up with commitment. Oxford listed it as one of its Word of the Year finalists in 2023, defining it as “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.”
A situationship can look like:
- Spending time together consistently but never naming the relationship
- Texting or talking every day without discussing long-term expectations
- Sharing emotional or physical intimacy without mutual commitment or exclusivity
- Being “more than friends” but not feeling sure where you stand
It can work for a lot of people, especially if you’re not in a place where you’re ready for commitment. But research finds that people in situationships are often emotionally and romantically invested, even when there’s no “formal” commitment. That mismatch — wanting something more defined while staying in the gray area — can often create emotional stress for the people involved.
Are situationships bad for mental health? Not necessarily
Situationships aren’t inherently toxic or harmful. People want different things at different stages of their lives, and there are moments when something flexible might really work for you. But for some people, the ups and downs of a situationship can create emotional stress, especially if you’re actually for more commitment.
One factor that’s important to talk about is the way our brains respond to unpredictability. Research on dopamine — a neurotransmitter that plays a role in motivation and reward — shows that inconsistent rewards can feel more intense than predictable ones. Meaning that when someone gives you attention one day and ghosts you the next, your brain may react strongly to those “highs” because they aren’t guaranteed.
This doesn’t mean you’re overreacting. It’s a normal biological response to inconsistency. It’s like any addiction, and it can make the emotional ups and downs of a situationship feel a lot harder than you expect.
Some of the other ways that a situationship could potentially impact your mental health include the following.
Impacts on self-esteem
Especially if you already have a hard time with self-esteem, the lack of commitment in a situationship could make you question your self-worth. You might start wondering why the other person doesn’t want something more committed, or assume it reflects something about you.
Lack of clarity
Another major factor is the lack of clarity. You might spend a lot of your mental space trying to figure out what the other person wants, what certain texts mean, or whether the relationship is “changing.”
Different expectations about the future
Situationships are especially stressful when they’re one-sided, and one of you actually wants more commitment. When two people want different things, it can create tension even if the connection itself feels good. The longer this continues, the more likely you are to feel disappointed or stuck, especially if you’re becoming more emotionally invested.
Loneliness
Even though you’re spending time together, you might not feel like you can rely on the other person during important moments. You may care about them deeply but still feel unsure about whether you can reach out when you really need them. They’re not exactly your friend, but not your partner, either. That disconnect can make you feel lonely.
Increase in stress
The unpredictability of situationships is what keeps you hooked, but it can also increase stress. You might notice anxiety when you haven’t heard from them, or feel nervous about bringing up anything that could potentially drive them away. Stress is linked to many mental health impacts, including an increased risk of depression and anxiety.
Navigating situationships while protecting your mental health
If you’re in a situationship, you don’t need to panic or assume it’s a bad thing. What matters most is recognizing what you want and what you need emotionally. If this is what you want, there are ways to take care of yourself and protect your emotional well-being.
Set boundaries
Think about what you need to stay grounded and happy, and set clear boundaries. This might include things like how often you communicate and what you’re comfortable with physically. Boundaries can help you create a structure for the situationship that feels safer, especially if the other person tends to keep things vague.
For example, you might decide to stop texting them “Good morning” every day or to open yourself up to seeing other people until you’re more committed.
Find other sources of support
It’s easy to rely on one person for emotional closeness when you really like them. But centering your entire emotional world around a situationship can make you feel lonelier and more stressed. Often, situationship partners aren’t able to give us the emotional support we need.
Remember to keep the other parts of your life active. Lean on friends, hobbies, your community, or routines that help you feel happy and loved. When you have more support in your life, the situationship doesn’t need to fill every emotional need (which can make it feel less heavy).
Weigh its benefits
There are times when a situationship actually might work better for you. You might want connection without long-term expectations. You might be focusing on other parts of your life, like your career or healing from past relationships. Think about the benefits that this situationship gives you. Clarifying why it’s working for you right now can help you move through it with intention, not confusion. And if you decide it isn’t working for you and has no benefits, then that’s valuable information, too.
Think about whether a traditional relationship might work better for you
If you find yourself constantly seeking reassurance, wishing for more stability, or feeling emotionally exhausted, it might be worth considering whether a clearer relationship would be healthier for you. Wanting commitment isn’t “needy” — it’s a valid human need. No matter how much you like the person, it's important to prioritize your needs.
Consider therapy
Being in a situationship doesn’t mean that you have a mental health condition. But you don’t need to have one to benefit from therapy. Talking to a therapist can give you a safe space to understand your patterns, your needs, and how this situationship fits into your life. Therapy can also help you sort through attachment wounds that the situationship is bringing to the surface.
Get therapy for situationships and mental health in Arizona
At Thrive, you can meet with a licensed therapist who understands how complicated modern relationships can feel, and how much the uncertainty can impact your mental health. You’re not broken, and it's perfectly okay to want a romantic relationship to align with your values and long-term goals. Get in touch with us, and we'll get back to you ASAP.
