How to Deal With Grief During the Holidays: Tips and Quotes for Coping Through the Holiday Season 

Written by Colter Bloxom, LPC

Colter is a licensed psychotherapist and the owner and Executive Director of Thrive Therapy. He specializes in the treatment of anxiety, OCD, identity issues, and mo

‍

The holiday season is coming up. And while it might feel like everyone around you is celebrating, if you're in the throes of grief, it can feel anything but joyful. You might notice that other people seem excited or festive while you feel numb or overwhelmed. It’s completely normal for the holidays to feel heavier than other times of the year, even if your loss wasn’t recent.

Grief doesn't follow a timeline, and it can come up years and even decades after the loss. Most people find that the holidays are a particularly painful time. Some moments feel manageable, and others can hit without warning.

You don’t have to put on a brave face or pretend everything is fine — you’re allowed to feel exactly how you feel.

Why the holiday season is so hard when you've lost a loved one

When you’re grieving, this time of year can feel like you’ve been pulled into an experience you never asked for. Even if you’re doing your best to move through daily life, the contrast between how things used to be and how they are now can feel sharply painful. Losing a loved one or losing the version of your life you once recognized can make even the most familiar routines feel unfamiliar, and that change often becomes more noticeable during the holidays.

Holiday traditions rely heavily on language, memory, and meaning. Songs; the smells of your favorite foods; the lighting of the tree. All of these things can act as reminders of your loved one, and your mind may try to make sense of the pain by searching for the right words.

Experts recognize how deeply humans depend on language to organize experience, and it’s common for people to feel overwhelmed when there aren’t words big enough to describe what has changed. Naming what happened doesn’t remove the hurt, but it can help you feel less lost inside it.

You’re not the only one who finds this time of year harder than expected. Grief is something every person encounters at some point in their lifetime, and feeling sadness doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It simply reflects the depth of your connection. The truth is that love doesn’t disappear when someone is gone. You’re allowed to move at your own pace and take care of yourself in the ways that feel possible right now.

12 tips for coping with grief at the holidays

There’s no right or wrong way to get through the holidays when you’re grieving. You can mark the season in the way that feels safest for you, even if it means doing less than usual or changing plans completely. It's also okay if you just want to stick to the same traditions as always without changing anything at all. 

Whatever feels best for you is okay. These are 12 things to keep in mind. Maybe they're helpful --- maybe they aren't.

Know your holiday grief triggers

Noticing what makes this time of year feel harder can help you plan ahead. This might include certain traditions, songs, foods, or places. Being aware of these triggers doesn’t mean avoiding everything — it just gives you more choice in how you want to approach the day.

Set boundaries

You’re allowed to limit events, decline invitations, or leave early if you feel overwhelmed. Let people know your capacity ahead of time so you don’t feel pressured in the moment. It’s okay to protect your energy, even if others don’t fully understand.

Accept the emotions

There are so many emotions that can come up during the holidays. You might experience intense sadness one minute and feel "fine" the next. Allowing emotions to rise without judging yourself can make them easier to manage. Just let yourself feel what you're feeling.

Don’t be afraid to cry

You might feel like crying will "ruin" holiday celebrations. But crying can release tension and may bring a sense of relief. You don’t have to hide your tears or hold them in to make others comfortable. 

Practice self-kindness

Give yourself the same compassion you’d offer a friend or family member who’s hurting. This might mean resting more, or just using gentle words to speak to yourself. Grief takes emotional energy, and you deserve softness.

Connect with loved ones

It can be tempting to isolate when you're grieving. It's okay to want to be alone. But spending time with people who understand your loss can make the holidays feel less isolating. You might choose one person to check in with or plan something simple at home. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Honor your deceased loved one

Research shows that grief rituals can help you move through the pain. Lighting a candle or cooking their favorite meal can help you feel like you're still connected. After all, your loved one is still someone who is important to you. Choose whatever feels meaningful without forcing anything that feels too painful.

Learn about grief

Understanding how grief works can help you feel less overwhelmed. Grief isn’t a straight line, and many people notice emotions return around anniversaries and the holidays. Learning that this is common may help you blame yourself less.

Build new holiday traditions

If old traditions feel too painful, you can create new ones at your own pace. This might include a quiet morning walk or donating in your loved one's honor. Changing holiday routines doesn’t erase the past — it just makes room for the new relationship you have with your loved one.

Get grief support

Talking with a therapist can help you cope with the holiday season in a way that feels safe and steady. Therapy gives you space to process emotions, especially if you’ve been trying to hold everything in. You don’t need to wait until grief feels unmanageable to reach out.

Practice self-care around the holidays

Grief can make basic tasks feel exhausting. Make sure you're taking care of yourself in the most basic ways. Eating regularly, drinking water, and resting can help your body handle emotional stress. Even small actions can make a difference when everything feels heavier than usual.

Allow room for joy

There are so many emotions that can come up during grief: sadness, anger, and yes, even joy. Feeling moments of joy doesn’t mean you miss your loved one any less. Grief and joy can exist at the same time. If a moment feels lighter, you’re allowed to let it in.

Grief during the holidays quotes

If you’re looking for comforting words to help you through the holidays this year, visit our blog for meaningful grief quotes and reflections.

Get grief counseling in Arizona with Thrive Therapy

If the holidays are feeling harder than you expected this year, Thrive Therapy offers grief counseling in Arizona to help you cope. Our licensed therapists can help you process your loss and find steadier ways to move through the season.

Reach out today to schedule an appointment.

‍